Day #10: Taking it out on the wrong person

  So, I've just realized something. Okay, that's actually a lie; I realized this a while back, and by a while, I mean years. I'm not proud to own up to it. I say it in hopes that other mothers and wives can relate. Yesterday I had a busy, exhausting day. Well, that describes all most days with my kids, but yesterday was extra busy and extra exhausting. We went to the gym, which is stupid because I'm still sick, but it's a compulsion, I can't help myself. Then we went to ballet,Wal-mart (which I loathe) and then our home away from home- the Doctor. Needless to say, by the time we got home, I was done, completely spent, and so were the kids.
  Unfortunately, my poor unsuspecting husband got the brunt of how I was feeling. I just verbally vomited up everything I was feeling, and since I was frustrated and exhausted, I was yelling about how I was feeling. Awesome. This seems to happen more than I would like to admit. I get upset or angry about something completely unrelated to Tyson he's the one who gets an earful! There is a difference between passionately venting and yelling everything that comes into your head that your'e mad about. I'm not mad at him, but unfortunately that is how it comes across. So, here is to making it a point to not take it out on the person I love the most, but to attempt to effectively communicate my frustrations to him. Without yelling.
 

Day # 9: rejoining society

  Yesterday I finally began to feel human again and was able to rejoin society after being exiled for a week. Did I mention I also got pink eye, or should I say pink eyes? Yep, in both eyes. I like to do things all the way, be the best at being sick ya know. Yes, I thought I had missed out on that fun experience but no, I've been wearing my super sexy glasses from six years ago and looking like I have blood shot goopy eyes. These are the times I'm happy my husband isn't here to see me. I'm truly a sight.
  I ventured out into the world yesterday- the gym, lunch with a friend, and the mall. It was amazing. I actually felt good (minus the semi blurred vision due to an outdated glasses prescription and antibiotic eye ointment). I have to say I have missed my routine. Not that I go to the lunch and the mall everyday, but heck I actually missed the treadmill. It's true. And poor little Luke, he practically ran into the kid's club at the gym and waved goodbye to me. The kid was ready to get away from me and go play with some other kids. Apparently I am not as good of a playmate as the gym kids. Or he's just sick of me. And after a week of staying around the house, I'm sick of me too.
   As nice as it is to get away from routine, it's just as nice to return to it. It's comfortable, familiar, and predictable. I'm a creature of habit and routine and being away from it too long makes me antsy, nervous even. I like knowing what I'm doing everyday, every hour. Yes, I'm that much of a control freak, but that topic can be saved for another blog.

Day #8: Balance

   I think balance is something every mother struggles with, regardless of if they are a stay at home mom or a working mom. It seems to be the unattainable goal that we strive for daily. I seem to have trouble balancing most areas of my life, especially when it comes to "me" time and time with the kids. I find myself feeling guilty over getting a sitter to have dinner with a girlfriend. But if I stay home, I find myself resenting my kids because I didn't go out. It's a lose lose situation. So why is balance so hard to achieve? In theory it sounds so reasonable, so easy. But putting it into practice is an entirely different thing.
   My mom gave me good advice, she told me to have a sitter come every other week (or every day week, depending on what kind of week it has been), so that I can have some "me" time. This way it is on the calendar, I know it's coming, and I have something to look forward to. How many times have you heard self help gurus tell you to put things on the calendar or write it down? All the time. Do you know why? Because it works. Anything from scheduling "me" time on your calendar to keeping a food journal; when you write it down, it makes it real. Suddenly, you feel committed because it is out there and not just an idea in your head. Having that down time makes me a better mom. It really does. Judge me if you want. But when I sip on a Starbucks chai tea latte while getting a pedicure, I come back feeling refreshed and feeling like I haven't completely lost myself in the midst of raising my kids. And that is important.
  But what about spending time with my kids? This is also something I have to put on my calendar as well. I almost feel bad saying that. Maybe it's just me, but I have to schedule time to play with my kids, otherwise I get caught up in all of my "to-do's". As a stay at home mom, I feel like I always have something to do- laundry, dishes, change a diaper, grocery shopping, make dinner, Dr. appointments... I miss out on just sitting down and playing because I get so wrapped up in what needs to be done around the house. Our mini road trip last week was perfect because it got me out of the house and focused on spending time with my kids rather than what needed to get done that day.
  I don't mean to sound like "me" time and spending time with my kids is a chore. But for me, putting it on a calendar is key. It makes it happen and it helps me maintain balance.

"me" time         vs.        the kids

                                        

Day #7: Accepting help

   Sometimes it's okay to accept help. Sometimes it's the best thing you can do for yourself, and for your kids. I like to think I can do it all on my own, and you know, that is probably a good mentality to have when raising two kids while your husband is gone. But sometimes saying, "Yes, help would be great", is hard to do. My sister-in-law called me Monday night, after all of the the seizure drama with Luke and asked me if I would be in town this weekend and said she was coming down to help out and to keep me company. My first instinct was to tell her I that I don't need any help and to not come and waste her time. I mean, this girl is a senior at the Merchant Marine Academy, graduating in 70 days...SHE'S BUSY!  But instead I said, "that would be great". So she came and, let me tell you, I have some big plans. I went to go to the grocery store ALONE today. I know. This afternoon Luke has another Dr. appointment (Yeah, we've been to the Dr. three times in two weeks, I'm going to look into getting a reserved parking spot there) and having an extra set of hands to keep tabs on Savannah while I deal with Luke will be so much help. It's not like I can't go to the grocery store and Dr. with my kids, but having someone help me out gives me a little bit of (much needed) relief. Sometimes, you don't know how much you need the help until you have it. Shout out to my sis-in-law for being awesome!

Day # 6: Playing hooky

  You know what you don't get as a SAHM (yes, that means Stay at home mom. Once your'e in the mom club they give you a list of all of these acronyms and what they mean)? Well, you don't get a break at the end of the day and you certainly don't get a paycheck at the end of the week. But, what you do get, is to decide what to do every.single.day. And today, we played hooky. Okay, fine, you caught me. I may or may not have had a dentist appointment to get cavities filled, but hello, those cavities will still be there next year month week when I reschedule my appointment. Plus, I hated to pass up 75 degrees and sunny after a week of doom (REMINDER: pink eye, double ear infection, high fever, and seizure) and gloom ( I'm pretty sure it has rained the past 10 days, and my depression mood has taken a hit.)
   I decided to head to Williamsburg, VA which is only about a 45 minute-5 hour (depending on the tunnel traffic) drive from Norfolk. Pretty much the only cool thing about living in Norfolk is that Jamestown, Williamsburg, and Yorktown are so close. When we lived in Houston, driving 45 minutes got us to downtown Houston; so you can see why I'm so psyched that Williamsburg is a completely different city and so close. I decided that the minivan needed a maiden voyage and that my kids and I needed to get out of town and have a play day just with us. We walked Colonial Williamsburg, pet some horses, ate lunch outside, and had ice cream. Perfect day.
   Sometimes, tossing routine out the window is the best idea. For me it meant giving up gym time, and if you know me well, I don't give up gym time. EVER., rescheduling a dentist appointment, and not finishing up laundry, but sometimes you just need to drop it all and get away for awhile. So that's what we did. The gym, dentist, and laundry will still all be there tomorrow.

Day # 5: coffee

    I'm going to keep this short and sweet. You know what makes me a better mommy? Coffee. Yeah, I said it. You know what makes me an even better mommy? Coffee with creamer, the good kind. Not that sugar free, fat free crap garbage. Like right now, Almond Joy. If you have not had Almond Joy creamer let me ask you, why in the heck not? It will make your life day better. So the problem is, it is limited edition creamer. The last three grocery stores I have been in DID NOT have this creamer. Now, before I freak out completely, I will visit multiple other stores across the Hampton Roads area. I mean, this is my Prozac ....um, drug of choice. I make my coffee the night before so that all I have to do is to push that button when I walk downstairs, no prep necessary. But the creamer is a major player in the enjoyment of my coffee. So today, my mission is: Find that Almond Joy creamer. And stock up like it's 2012.

                                                            

Day # 4: One helluva day

    Let me tell you about my day yesterday. It all started out great. I got my birthday gift from my husband! A new Honda Odyssey minivan. Hooray for the mini van! I mean, I feel that I am officially in the mom club now. So I went over to the Honda dealership, all of my paperwork in hand, ready to purchase my van. However, I had to take both (semi sick) kids with me and trade my old Honda Accord in...so it took a little longer than I had expected. Well, during this time Luke suddenly spiked a fever. As far as I know, he did not have a fever when we left the house, but within the hour we were there his temperature began to rise quickly. When I took him out of his stroller, he was BURNING UP! He was so hot  that I took his shirt off and asked for an ice pack to cool him down. I was getting very concerned and of course I had no children's tylenol with me. So I was anxious to get going. About 30 seconds after I signed my check and finished all of the paperwork, Luke starts violently shaking and his eyes start rolling back into his head. You know what a seizure looks like when you finally see one; there was no doubt in my mind that was what was happening. The woman in the office called 9-1-1 while I yelled out the door for some help. As I look back on all of this today, I remember now that I was pleading with God that Luke would be okay. Do you know what it is like to hold your child and think your'e watching him take his last breaths? It is terrifying. It brings you to your knees faster than anything. The first woman who ran to the room was a Pediatric Intensive Care nurse. You think there is no God? You think again. There is, and He was there.  Really, a pediatric nurse just happened to be in the Honda dealership? DO NOT try to tell me that was a coincidence. She took him from me, held him, and made sure his airway was open. We were taken to the hospital and Luke was given Tylenol and Motrin. After speaking to the Doctor, it was concluded that what had occurred was a Febrile Seizure which is triggered when your child is sick and also has a fever. The Dr. was not concerned and this is apparently something that is common in children of normal development between the ages of 6 months and 6 years. We were home in time for dinner. My precious boy is well today, no temperature, playing with his sister, and being his sweet happy self.
   Now, that was a heck of a day! And yes, I got my new van after all! The car salesman brought me my van to the hospital. So in the end, all was well. But let me tell you, I'm ready for my babies to both be healthy, it has been a rough few days. I think they are both feeling better, and now, of course, I'm coming down with something.