Day #25: To have or not to have

  I grew up on shows like Full House and 7th Heaven, the families were big and happy. Now I watch shows like Parenthood and Brothers and Sisters, each boasting big families that eat together, live a few miles apart, and are each other's best friends. I like to imagine myself with this big family one day, lots of kids and in-laws and grand kids....
  So the time has come that if we wanted a third child and if we wanted them to be the same 2.5 years apart as Savannah and Luke, I'd have to get pregnant. Next month. I know, I know, the kids don't all have to be the exact same years apart, but I would like it to be similar and not to have my oldest and youngest too far apart, ya know? Tyson is all for another kid; of course he is! He isn't the one who will be pregnant, or breast feeding, or struggling to lose 40 pounds.again. And I have to admit, having two kids has its perks. I like that we have a boy and a girl, its east to divide and conquer. Tyson and Luke can go to Home Depot while Savannah and I grocery shop.or better yet, go to the mall. The kids are each others playmates, they only have each other, so there is never an odd man out. I can spoil them separately. If I buy Savannah a baby doll, I don't have to get Luke one too. I have two younger sisters and my mom would always say, "I can't buy you that because then I'd have to buy two more just like it for your sisters." Tables at restaurants are made for four, not five. My youngest sister Sam was always stuck in a chair at the end of the booth at restaurants, which I'm pretty sure she is still bitter about. Two kids seems more manageable than three, I feel like I already stay busy enough with two, how would I make time for a third?
   It doesn't help that I have 12 (at least) "friends" (I use quotations because I admit some of these people are FB friends, people I haven't actually spoken to in years) who are having or about to have babies this year! Maybe just MAYBE, I'm having a touch of baby fever?...possibly, especially since Luke will be two in September! However, I do feel like I'm just now getting a little bit of my life back. Babies are hard work! I mean, they are cute, but heck, sleep deprivation, crying, all of it- wears.me.out! Throw in a husband who has an unpredictable work schedule and who deploys regularly, and it's even more tiring. Right now I have two children who sleep through the night, can feed themselves, and who are independently mobile. I just don't know that I am ready to go back again right now, or ever.