The "better" mommy project

  Last night as I tossed and turned, I began to think.  If you had asked me ten years ago where I thought I would be when I was 27 years old I would have said a Clinical Psychologist, a Counselor, or maybe even working for a police department as a forensic profiler. Well, kids change your plans and right now, I am a stay at home mother. I think after almost four years of doing this, I am finally fully accepting that this is where I am in my life right now. I have felt torn for years, debating if I should work or stay home. I have never felt truly settled in staying home, until now. At times I feel like I took the easy way out; other times I feel like this is the hardest worst paying job I've ever had! But sometimes (most of the time) I just don't feel like a "good" mom. I feel like I could be better. I don't use dozens of coupons and save $124.08 each week on groceries, I don't make homemade play dough, I don't cook perfectly well balanced organic meals, I don't take my kids to story time every week, I yell, I designate "no talking" when Savannah's endless chatter drives me CRAZY... I make it through each day, sometimes hanging on by a thin strand of my sanity, and do it again the next day. And some days, that is good enough. But I want more.
   I now feel like I am ready to fully embrace this whole mom thing. Yes, I know, it only took me four years, but better late than never, right? I am going to attempt a "better mommy project" for myself. I want to do all those "mommy" things, all the things I swore I would never do (well, I still won't wear mom jeans) and see if I can become a "better" mom. It's not just about all the things I do for my kids, but also about becoming more selfless, patient, kinder with my words, persevering, gentle, and loving. My life is no longer about me, and finally after four years, I get that.
  So, Day # 1 of the better mommy project: Join Costco or Sam's (I figure I'll start with something easy). I hate having to go to multiple grocery stores for my groceries, but that is what I'm going to do if it means spending our money more wisely. Tyson jokingly says, " I make the money and you spend the money". But for the most part, it's true. However, I can help make money by saving where I can and I think this is a great way to start. My mother was/is the queen of bargain shopping and spending what she had with care. I clipped coupons growing up and went grocery shopping with my 2 younger sisters on triple coupon day! My mother was a brave woman!
  Hopefully by the end of this year I will be able to  look back and see some progress on my quest to become a better mommy. Savannah told me today, as if she knew I was doubting my mommy capabilities, "You're the best mommy!". And really, in the end, if that's what my kids think, then that's good enough for me.


  

Friends

   So I know I am not the first to comment on the fact that many random things that occur in life can be traced back to a Friends episode. However, maybe I should stop telling people that, they do not always seem to appreciate it, or get it.
   My Friends moment happened a few weeks ago when I decided to get a spray tan for my little sister's wedding. Honestly, the whole skin cancer thing aside, I don't have time to fake and bake. And what the heck am I supposed to do with my kids for 8-11 minutes four times a week while I tan? On a side note, tanning salons should really have child care, I mean, they are losing the mothers of young children cliental. Anyway, so the girl or spray tan technician is explaining to me while demonstrating the 4 poses that I will be doing while being sprayed with who knows what the tanning solution. The whole time I am thinking A) I wonder if SHE spray tans, because she looks awful and B) holy crap what if I don't get the poses right, don't turn in time, and look like Ross in that one Friends episode?? I told her about the Friends episode, which maybe, in hindsight, was not a good idea. She didn't seem to think it was all that funny and assured me I would not look like Ross.
   All ended well. I am a major fan of the spray on tan. I'm actually going again today. I mean, tomorrow is my 27th birthday, I should look tan for the big day.

5 months down, how many more to go?!?

   Well, instead of rejoicing in the fact that today it has officially been 5 months since Tyson left, I seem to be way more focused on the fact that we still have 2 more months to go! Lord, let it ONLY be 2 more! Funny things happen when your husband is gone for months at a time...I've already mentioned not cooking, not sitting while eating, but I have also (regrettably) taken up watching some bad t.v. I mean bad. Sister Wives is on my DVR. yep, sure is. How can you not watch that? It's like a train wreck that I cannot keep my eyes off of. Another recent favorite, Teen Mom 2. I won't even talk about that.
   Our kids are growing up fast and I swear they grow faster when Tyson is gone. Luke is starting to talk, repeating words and pointing to everything so that he can hear me say it. He loves to say "Dada" and points to Tyson saying Dada whenever we are all on Skype. However, he also randomly yells Dada at the computer anytime I'm on it. Im starting to think he thinks his dad is actually the computer and not a person....  Savannah keeps me laughing. She is about to be 4, and sometimes, she's just weird quirky. Like last week I was getting her dressed and she looked down at her legs and said, "Hey, my legs are right next to each other! They are right next to each other because they are friends, like me and Kayla." Really, I can't make this stuff up! Has she seriously just noticed that her legs are right next to each other? I really hope that is NOT the case. I like to think that she realized she could draw an accurate and relatable analogy of the closeness of her legs and the closeness of herself and her BFF, Kayla.
   Although things can be difficult when Tyson is gone, they can also be good. Knowing that we can all make it through this makes us stronger in the end and makes me realize it would be really hard for my family to be ripped apart by anything else. People say, " I don't know how you do that" or  (my personal favorite) " I could never do that". But you know what, you could do it because what other choice do you have? Walk away? No, you do it because it's worth it and anything worth doing is hard. Really hard.

The Big 2-7

    Well, here it is, my birthday week. I plan on, and have actually already begun, to celebrate ALL WEEK LONG! It started last night with a great surprise dinner and some incredible girlfriends- I had a BLAST! And, I was totally surprised; I had no idea. In honor of my birthday, I thought I'd note some signs of my getting "older":


 - I refuse to see a movie that starts after 8PM. It's just too late. If it doesn't start until 8, it won't be over until almost 10, I won't be in bed until 11, I'll be tired and grumpy the next morning, etc., and etc....the 8PM movie just ain't worth it.

- I found like 7 gray hairs last week and immediately ran out and bought hair color and dyed my hair.

- I've been called ma'am on more that one occasion, or Mrs. Silengo. No, not acceptable. It's Micah and don't call me ma'am if I'm only 5 years older than you. I mean, that's almost disrespectful.

- My husband let me pick out my next car. I was dead set on an SUV. After test driving everything I wanted I decided on a minivan.  They're just so much more comfortable.

- I said I would never have a kitchen full of roosters; have you seen my kitchen? Let me count....9

- If I have more than one drink I don't sleep well. When it comes down to it, I'd much rather have a full night of sleep than a third second drink.

- I now blog. That's not something the young hip 20's are doing, it't something us people in our late 20's do.


Strangely enough, turning 25 was hard on me. But turning 27, Bring.It.On. I am SO ready for 30. I mean, I have two kids, a white fenced back yard, a minivan coming soon, and I blog! I am ready for my thirties. Twenties are so overrated.

Eating while standing up

    So since my husband deployed last October to Bahrain and I have two young children, I have noticed several phenomena, the first being: I no longer sit down to eat. Ever. I was explaining to a friend that I don't sit down to eat dinner anymore because I'm so busy feeding my kids and getting juice or milk and cleaning up all the food they throw drop, that I just kind of eat as I go, never sitting down. Then I realized that I do this for every meal. I mean, why sit down if youre having to just up every 2 minutes to do/get something? Exactly. So I just stopped sitting down at meals. Now when we are at restaurants, I do sit down, but I don't eat. Apparently I can now only do one or the other, but never both simultaneously.

This picture was taken prior to Luke using his fork to launch food off  of his plate. At least he uses his fork.

 

    Another phenomenon is not cooking. I think I cook 1-2 meals a week. And by cook, I mean throw some Great Value chicken cordon bleu into the oven and whip up a side of applesauce. Or wine. Why make a meal if I don't sit down to eat it, or my kids won't touch it? So, I don't. Plus, between all of the diaper changing, refereeing of who had which toy first, making sure I hit my quota of yelling "no" 200 times per day, and the endless episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I just can't find the time or energy to cook anymore. 

    The last phenomenon is that I now consider wine just as effective, or as effective, as a few Advil. A glass of wine will cure a headache, crankiness, a lonely night, PMS, and it goes really nicely with frozen pizza. 

    So let's put all of this in a positive light; let's dig deep.... I have become really good at multi-tasking while eating, I don't have to plan meals or spend time in the kitchen cooking, I drink a lot of wine. So for all of my complaining, well, wine cures that too!